misdirected wrecked resurrected

Without going into the specifics, let's just say I've been working for the same attorney for over ten years and this is clearly not what I consider my life's work. That was pretty much established last summer when I had my mini-meltdown and let on that he was anal retentive. Which he admitted. And which I conceded is almost necessary in the legal profession. But communicating via Post-Its is getting pretty close to hell.

Which is why I'm back in school for a two-year program, not so much because I don't think I could hack graphic production on my own, but really to get my confidence back that i can actually make a living with original ideas. Despite being the product of a family that didn't exactly value them.

I'm running into a lot of people these days who don't seem interested in paying their dues to get to where they want to be. Sure, I've had jobs consisting of meaningless tasks, jobs where I was not respected, even jobs that had no reasonable expectation of a future. But you keep your eyes and ears open and leave those jobs after six months or a year until you find a place where your skills are valued, your dignity is respected and your work is rewarded.

Why suffer in a crappy job? Because it's temporary and you need to eat and pay rent, buy clothes, go out. Because enduring a difficult situation builds patience and character. Because not getting what you want forces you to clarify in your own mind exactly what you DO want, so that when an opportunity comes along you recognize it as the ticket to that place you think about all the time.

Even as I write these thoughts I realize I've been a hypocrite and lazy about following my own ideals. I also know how I've suffered by not having the backbone to walk the walk. But I've also had a lot of fun.

Vreeland, Chanel, and Mrs. G.

On my short list of people I actually admire is a woman I work with. She's a 74 year old attorney, well-respected in her field, and extremely resilient. She fled Nazi Germany with her family, graduated from London School of Economics in 1947 and then Yale Law in 1952. She's also authored several books on the legal rights of children and the mother of four children.

But that's just her resume. I know her personally as a highly principled and caring individual, a classy dresser with a sharp mind, a gentle yet solid negotiator. In the ten-plus years I've known her, I have always wanted to incorporate her self-knowing and poised style.

After her husband died recently, her niece stopped by the office to chat. On her way out, she turned to Mrs. G. in an apparent gesture of sympathy and asked," So, do you think you'd like to come over sometime?"

Mrs. G. gave a short laugh, smiled and said simply, "No, I don't think so." The niece was a little stunned, but hugged her and then left.

Doesn't that fucking rock? Obviously Mrs. G. knows life is too short for bullshit, and actually demonstrates it, elegantly and effectively.

Diana Vreeland once said "elegance is refusal." You have to know where to edit your life, in order to get the most out of it. Why put up with a mediocre situation if you're not getting any benefit from it?

Chanel once said, "People think the opposite of luxury is poverty. It is not. It is vulgarity."

What does that mean? Well, I think luxury in life comes from simply bearing witness to yourself, acknowledging what you find, owning it, working with it, enhancing it, changing it.

But what did she mean by vulgarity? I think she was saying that poverty of the spirit lies in excess without connoisseurship, information without working wisdom, stimulation without sensuality.

So Chanel rocks. She was a fucking zen master. She was a jet black iron cannonball speeding through the night. (According to her biography, she was also a raving bitch.)

Hey, just because I admire people doesn't necessarily mean I want to eat lunch with them...

cause and defect

Isn't it interesting how I get heaps of praise for "all my diligence and sensitivity to detail" BLAH BLAH BLAH just before I get a crapload of work.

personal hygiene

[frankie] ok why don't girls get skidmarks, please tell me
[frankie] do guys not know how to wipe?
[rrruffian] cos you dont have hairy assholes
[MudBoy] do you have a hairy ass?
[frankie] well I personally do
[MudBoy] exactly
[rrruffian] do you know how hard it is to wipe shit out of a hairy asshole?
[MudBoy] it's not that hard actually
[frankie] hahaha
[MudBoy] but I tend to shower after each shit
[rrruffian] try smearing a handful of shit in yer cunt and see how easy it is to keep that fresh feeling
[frankie] well I'm glad someone here knows how to clean their ass properly
[frankie] too bad it's me
[rrruffian] hahahaha
[rrruffian] i didnt say i was unclean i just said that it is quite often a project